i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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