At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
