he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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