Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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