I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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