I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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