Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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