haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
