is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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