a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
