worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
