She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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