I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
