i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
