My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Found the puke drawer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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