dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize