Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
