ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
