just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
