Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
