sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate all girls vehemently.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
