hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
