just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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