The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
