We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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