I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
