Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
