She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i dont even know how to be here
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize