I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize