I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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