Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
