Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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