My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
