Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
