I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
