Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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