I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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