I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
