These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
