rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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