all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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