So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
