My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
