we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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