He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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