cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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