The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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