I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
