Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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