i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
