Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
