i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
