party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
