i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
