I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
