My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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