TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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