who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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