For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
