She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
