THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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