1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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