We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
