Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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