That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
