I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
farters have to be the big spoon...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
