Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
