Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
