11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
