this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
