There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
