I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
