Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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