I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize