I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
