I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
