i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
