Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
