I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
