All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
