You're so nebulous sometimes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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