first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
