Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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