And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
