I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
