My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
