My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
