Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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