ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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