I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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