Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
