Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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