I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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