someone get that fucking seahorse.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
