break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
