your parents love me but you hate me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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